August 2006


It’s no secret I’ve been dead serious about getting lean and fit since I refused to print my digital photos in Hawaii last year and the (still) ongoing (and unrealistic) $100 6pack-abs bet with a college bud early this year. But this week has been a really busy one and preparing measured and healthy lunches and dinners was close to, if not completely, impossible. And so last night, after a hard day’s work, I settled for a double quarter pounder at a nearby McDees. Despite the grease from the beef patties and the HFCS content in its ketchup, the burger was unsurprisingly satisfying — perhaps it was because I was hungry or because I have not eaten in any fastfood since February. Besides, it was, as David Zinczenko of the Abs Diet fame terms as, my cheat meal of the week. So, no guilt there. Just the usual resolve to run an extra lap on the treadmill.

But today, being a Saturday, was a slow and lethargic day. If there was something to feel guilty about, it was not being able to warm up the inviting living room couch and stoke my endorphins with nonsensical shows on TV for an entire week. As an expected result, this type of day and activity end in procrastination to cook smart food or even eat out for dinner. And so I ended up eating two hotdog bunwiches and reliving my not-so-distant days of watching live basketball games or idle times spent in 7-eleven combinis.

Anyway, midway through my second mustard and mayo-smothered, pickle-relished, mozarella-wrapped hotdog, I get to grin and remember the Bud Light commercial I hear on the radio of late.

I made a transcript of the radio commercial and it goes something like:

Deep and serious Voice Over: Bud Light presents… Real Men of Genius

(Second Voice: Real Men of Genius)

Today we salute you, Mr. Hotdog Eating Contest Contestant!

(Mr. Hotdog Eating Contest Contestant!)

What does it take to eat two dozen hotdogs in 12 minutes?

Determination.

Fortitude.

And a complete disregard for what they actually put in a hotdog.

(Open wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide…)

How many times have we said “Sure, one hotdog is nice. But 47 more would really hit the spot.”

(Get me to a bathroom)

What’s for dessert?

Nine pounds of antacids.

One bleeding ulcer.

And seven hours of routine angioplasty.

(My left arm feels tingly…)

So crack open a can of Bud Light, oh diplomat of the dog! Because our appetite for you would never be satisfied!

(Mr. Hotdog Eating Contest Contestant!)

Absolutely hilarious! I crack up and roll over just hearing this radio commercial and apparently, there are several variations of this (e.g. Mr. Chinese Food Delivery Guy, Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer, Mr. Really Loud Cellphone Talker Guy, etc.) since Anheuser Busch commissioned DDB Chicago in 2004 for its ads.

Laughing over it somehow diverts the guilt away from eating two hotdog bunwiches today but I reckon tomorrow I need to sweat it out in the gym. Daunting, yes but for now, I just have to enjoy and laugh the rest of the day off.

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What is going on?!?!

There is no letting up in the mideast conflict between Israel and Lebanon, a conflict that began mid July; a conflict that, at the rate Israel is advancing without any intervention from superpower allies such as the US and UK, might linger a long while. And a conflict on top of the current crises in Iraq and Iran.

And today, Scotland Yard announced the capture of 21 suspects believed to be terrorists out to replicate, if not, outdo 9/11’s horrors with a grand plot to carry and detonate liquid explosives over transatlantic planes from London to key US cities.

Whatever happened to the concept of world peace? Is it exclusively confined to question-and-answer portion of beauty pageants these days?

Crap. Why can’t everyone be like Cat Stevens?

Seriously, what’s going on?

What’s up, civilization?

World War III?